Tool:  Worrying Less   Certain levels of worrying can be helpful in our lives, especially when it motivates us in being productive and resolving problems.  However, worrying takes a negative toll on our lives when it consumes our thoughts and nothing is completed due to it.  When worrying is done all the time it takes the joy out of life and gets in the way of daily functioning.   Essentially, worrying less allows for effective stress management.   Here is a 10 item self assessment to identify if you are a worrier: 1. Worrying is a major source of stress in my life 2. After I start worrying, it is very difficult to stop. 3. People who know me well tell me that I worry too much 4. I have trouble getting to sleep or falling back to sleep because of my worrying 5. I often think of worst-case scenarios when I worry about a problem 6. I frequently become anxious and worry about things that could happen but usually do not.   If you agreed to more than two of these statements, more that likely you are a worrier and have significant levels of stress throughout your day (or life for that matter).   Perception is key to why people worry so much.  This is true, because it is how and what we think of some event, situation, or scenario.  Ask yourself what you want out of a situation.  Are you thinking negative or feeling threatened?  Then ask yourself, “Why?” Major ways to begin the process of not worrying as much are: 1.To minimize your “what if” thoughts and statements. 2. Do not jump to conclusions. 3. Give up a little control (others are capable, you know!) 4. Pray for serenity:   a. God, give us the grace to accept with serenity the things that   cannot be     changed, the courage to change the things which can be changed,   and   the wisdom to distinguish one from the other (R. Niebuhr). 5. Ask yourself questions about your worries   a. What am I afraid of?   b. Is there another way, a more sensible way, of looking at this?   c. Am I looking at worst-case scenarios?   d. How likely is it that what I’m worrying about is really going to   happen?   e. How would someone else (a good friend or role model, for   example) look       at this problem?   f. How would someone who is more of an optimistic look at this?   g.What are some alternatives and solutions that I may have   missed? 6. Cope using self-talk (This changes the way you feel)   a. Don’t assume the worst will happen   b.  I can cope with this   c.  Take a nice deep breath.  Hold it.  And let it all out slowly.   d.  Don’t make this a bigger deal that it really is   e.  I’m being a worrywart!  Do I always want to be a worrywart   f.   Realistically, what is the worst that can happen   g.  Is this worrying helping me in any way   h.  What can I do to distract myself from these worries   i.    I will be able to figure out way of coping with this   j.    Stop “what if’ing 7.  Talk the worry over with someone you trust to have good reasoning skills Tool:  Interpersonal Dealings   Improving interpersonal dealings is to better your communication, and knowing how to deal with difficult people.  If these dealing are not practiced, daily events can become overwhelmingly stressing.  It is inevitable for us to interact with all types of people, so why not recognize which ones are more likely to be the stressors in our lives.  Most times we blame others for our stress—true?  However, others are not the cause of our stress.  We, actually, allow them to cause us stress when we do not know how to talk, relate, or listen. If we are not good stress managers interpersonal dealings are ineffective, being the possible cause of bad relationships and uneventful social lives.   So, to begin improving our interpersonal dealings listening and talking are essential components to improve. Ways to Improve Listening. 1. Think to yourself why you need to listen to a person and do just that— listen. 2. Show the person that you are listening—give the talker some type of idea that they are being heard 3. Give feedback—this is being empathetic to what a person has shared and expressed to you, and verbalizing that you understand (if you do not understand wait to express that when it is your turn to talk) 4. Do not compete with what they are saying—forming your opinions to what they are saying.  By doing that you miss what they are actually saying.   Don’t debate, it’s not a win-lose situation. 5. Hold off on giving advice—if someone has just expressed their feelings do not try to solve their problem or tell them how they should, unless they ask.   6. Practice listening— this is best done when listening to some thing or person who you find boring. Ways to Improve Talking.   The other part of communicating effectively is the way you talk.  When talking, how and what you say are extremely important in conveying what you wish to express to the person listening.  Depending on how stressful or how great the potential of what is being discussed is a stressor will partially be involved in how you talk.  For instance, how fast you talk, the tone of your speech, and the words you use are examples which may predict your stress level.   When you talk, first think—yes, think.  As you think, decide how you are feeling—angry, upset, happy, or frustrated, etc.  Deciding on how you are feeling before you begin to talk helps you stay in personal control and careful not to become over emotional while you are talking.  It also: 1. Warns others.  As soon as you recognize that your mood has headed toward a negative attitude, share that information with those around you.   Let them know what you are feeling and warn them what to expect. 2. Makes amends.  If you happen to stress out everyone around you, make the best of it.  Quickly as you can, apologize for you becoming over emotional and admit that there were more effective ways you could have expressed your feelings—personal accountability.     When talking try not to generalize, label, or pile negative comments into what you are saying.   1. Generalizing is when you group all people, things, places, and situations into one.  For example, a person who generalizes uses words such as “never”, “always”, “every”.  People are unique in their own way (even twins); every thing is used differently; all places are thought of differently; and situations occur in various ways. 2. Labeling is when a person calls others names.  It is putting a person in a box, instead of describing him or her in regard to their behavior.  For example, calling a person lazy and ending the comment there.  While instead it is better to comment, “You didn’t clean the office and that is why I feel you are lazy.” 3.  Piling as many negative comments into your conversation is basically grieving about various issues, but not resolving any of them.  Piling, either negative or positive comments into your conversation still does not give the listener a good description of each feeling (comment, expression, etc.) that has just been communicated.  Therefore, take one thing to discuss at a time. Tool:  Organizational Skills   Have you ever felt like screaming or pulling your hair out because at the last minute you can’t find something? Maybe you are disorganized and that can trigger you to become stressed. Being disorganized can fuel a long list of frustrations, delays, lost time, and missed opportunities. 1.  Are you disorganized? Answer the following statements   a. When people first visit my place, they always ask whether I’ve   just moved in.   b. Know that I have a pet, but it seems like months since I last saw   it.   c. I’ve bounced so many checks that the people at the bank have   my number on speed dialer.   d. When she quit, my cleaning lady’s parting words were, “you   couldn’t pay me enough to stay.”   e. I think Quicken is the name of a fast food chicken franchise.   If you find yourself identifying with any of the preceding statements, it’s probably not a good sign. Not to worry you’re just disorganized. 2.  Possible reasons you may be disorganized   a.  You don’t have enough time.   b.  Your life is too complicated.   c.  You don’t have enough space.   d.  You don’t know what to do to become more organized.   e.  You know what to do to get organized, but you just don’t want   to do it.   Stop kidding yourself. The reality is that unless you take your clutter seriously, it will continue to spread. Ask yourself the following questions to help increase your de-cluttering:    1.  Do I really want to spend the next 20 years living with this item? 2.  If my place were on fire and I could save only half of what I own, would I save this    particular item? 3.  Would the quality of my life be seriously diminished if I didn’t own this item? 3.  Organize all your papers Develop a system of organization that takes thought, planning, time and effort. Taking the time to develop a systematic way of organizing your papers can result in a lot less stress and hassle in your life. 1.  Start Simple: create a filling system that is easy to use. 2.  Be colorful: using different colors, tabs, and labels can make it easier to find different subjects of interest. 3.  Don’t buy a cheap filling cabinet: invest in a filling cabinet of good quality. 4.  Keep important papers where you know they’re safe: keep documents safe but easy to locate. 5.  Make filling a habit: find time to empty your file cabinet of old papers and upgrading new information     Remember that an ounce of prevention goes a long way Strategies and systems that can help you manage your overly complicated life. You can, for example... 1. Put groceries and other purchases away as soon as you bring them home. 2. Clean up as you go. Don’t wait until the end, when you are looking at a big mess. 3. Keep recycled containers around. 4. Keep photos in albums and not in shoe boxes. 4.  Buy Less   Fewer possessions mean a less complicated life. So before you pull out your purse or wallet, ask yourself the following questions:   a. Do I really need this item?   b. Would the quality of my life be seriously compromised if I passed   this up?   c.  How many of these do I already have?